Broken Soul
by Adrenaline Write
Summary: For Chocolatiee, Journey-chan, and Penelope Wendy Bing. Johanna Mason was a rebel from the very start, one who suffered much before the Games. A oneshot depicting her life in a series of heart-breaking moments.


**Hi everyone! This, like a few of my new stories, came out of nowhere. I can't say I like the introduction and beginning, but I'm satisfied with the ending. I wouldn't call myself very good at portraying families in writing. Much more at the angst and tragedy that follows. This oneshot goes out to a couple people. Chocolatiee, who's take on Johanna made me want to delve into her past. Much love! It also goes out to Number One Fan of Journey, who is one of my best pals on fanfiction. She's fantastic, and I love to hear her insight on my writing, she always has something very clever to say. Lastly, this also goes to Penelope Wendy Bing, who I doubt knows who I am but has writing that inspires me to write a lot, as well. :)**

**I put little breaks between scenes, I hope they show up. If they don't it would be awesome if you guys could let me know. Thanks!**

Life before Thaddeus was serene. Ma and I lived alone, abandoned by Pa when I was six. On spare days when Ma wasn't at work, we'd race through the woods, collecting flowers, sleeping on the tree branches. I couldn't have asked for anything better.

"Ma, do you hate Pa?" I had asked once, settling my back onto the rough tree bark.

"I...I don't know, sweetie." She answered to me, eyes glazed.

"Well I do. He left us for some silly woman." I clenched my fists in fury. Even at the tender age of eleven, I had a strong defiance.

"Oh, Jo. It was more complicated than that." She whispered, running her fingers along my hair.

I felt so independent, never being held back by anyone. Ma always wanted me to have freewill and a sharp, fresh outlook on life. But as the months passed, I could tell how lonely she felt. I then became very aware of the couples tottering along the streets together, with wide, love struck eyes. She wanted that, and try as I might, I could never fill that hole inside Ma.

But then she met Thaddeus, and Ma was lively again. But not to me. I remember so clearly the day she introduced me to him.

"Hello, Johanna." The creases in his forehead became prominent as he flashed a smile at me, shaking my hand.

It was fake. Artificial, unnerving.

I simply gave a curt nod, and tried my best to give a weak smile.

"Thaddeus is a Peacekeeper, Jo. Isn't that impressive?" Ma beamed, kissing him on the cheek.

"Maybe you could come to work with me sometime, Johanna. It's really quite exciting."

My mind whirled with confusion. He...was _Capitol._ He hurt and terrified for a living! Wasn't Pa's mistress Capitol...as well?

One day, Ma decided Thaddeus and I should get to know each other better, without her. Thaddeus brought me to the only ice cream parlour in the District to talk. He, unlike my family, had a fair amount of riches.

The cold mush slid down my throat, and I tried to drone out Thaddeus' ramble. It was all lies. Lies that made me sick, lies that made me bite my cheek from snapping indignantly.

I was only thirteen now, but I felt so old. So worn down from all the anger and the inability to be nonchalant. But young at the same time, brain wracking with questions I couldn't answer yet. Lifeless. Ageless.

Just then, a young woman, in her early thirties at the most, strode up to our table. She wore a sparkling, sickly grin.

"Thaddeus, who might this, be?" she gestured to me, still holding that smile.

"Raina, this is Johanna." He said, twiddling his thumbs and gazing at the table.

"Well that hardly means anything. Would you care to elaborate more?" he shook his head, and I simply got up and announced I was going to get napkins. Walking swiftly away, I continued to train my eyes and ears on their conversation.

"She's...Angelea's daughter. Angelea's soon to be my wife, but don't you worry, Raina. You're still in the equation." Thaddeus whispered, almost inaudibly. There was a smile in his voice. My mouth gaped open, and my limbs stayed frozen. But soon, I felt a rage seep through my veins, bristling with defiance.

Before I could register my actions, I was running towards Thaddeus, connecting my fists to his nose in a rush of adrenaline.

"You bastard!" I could hardly identify my voice, a bellowing shriek. He grabbed my wrists pinning me down and throwing me over his shoulder. I thrashed and cursed, and when he finally set me down, his voice was full of venom low and impatient.

"I really hope you won't be telling your mother. Or there will be...consequences."

I knew, with the rage still inside me, that it would be useless. She'd never believe me. Ma was in love with the idea of love, no matter who she was with.

So I was forced to sit and watch, through parties, a wedding, a baby on the way, unable to do anything.

When I was fourteen, Thaddeus proposed an idea that would get rid of my rebellious streak, or so he thought. It was to begin working in the forest, cutting down the trees and prepping the wood. He was going to make me hate the place I would have once called sanctuary. Make me do the labour that my frail body had never been accustomed to. Mother jumped at the idea, as she always did. She had changed. My Ma had become a shadow of herself in every way.

The idea of insight of the world had become alien to her. She lived for Thaddeus and only Thaddeus.

The sweat glistened on my arms and brow as I swung the axe to the wood. There were no other females here; this was considered man's work. But that rule didn't seem to apply to me anymore.

"Hey, Johanna. You miss me?" A raspy voice called. I knew the voice's owner, a boy in my year who worked in the same occupation. I _hated_ him. Hated him to the extent that angry tears would brim from my eyes.

He traced his lips along my shoulders, and I wanted to kick him away, to scream. But it would be futile. He was the mayor's son, and he could easily turn my act of temerity into assault.

The salty tears began to run down my cheeks and glaze my vision.

_Let it end...please..._

One night, I heard Mother give an anguished cry. It came from the bedroom, and I could hear Thaddeus' rough voice tell her to shut the fuck up. Walking to the crevice in the door, I managed to see a flowing red liquid. He was beating her...

I didn't know what to think anymore. Running to my room and sinking to the floor, I screamed into the rug, eyes shut.

But I wouldn't cry. I didn't know if I could anymore.

It was a Sunday, one of the blissful days I could stray from the house and my terrible job. I brought a small celestial knife in my pack, along with food and water for the day. When I made it to the woods, I tried to block out all the horrid memories it held. Repeating soothing words under my breath, I finally made it to the fence. It was usually electrified, but this time of the day, early morning was when it stood dull.

After climbing swiftly over the fence, I managed to find the stream. It was flowing so gracefully, so unlike the churning water I had seen on television, the only bodies of water I'd actually seen before the stream.

I was at peace here. Unable to feel that numb fury I lived in every other day.

After a few hours of lying in tranquil, my food supply began to vanish. Gripping the knife in my hand, I scanned the water for fish.

It took nearly two hours, but after more stabs of the dagger was I able to catch one murky fish. Pleased with myself, I made a meal of the innards, berries, and roots.

But before I could devour the makeshift lunch, I saw the familiar white suit. My eyes widened, and I tried to dash away, but callused hands grabbed my ankle and pinned me down.

"Johanna Mason, good to see you. Your step father will enjoy choosing the punishment."

They gripped my arms tightly as the square, and Thaddeus came to view. I didn't cry, I didn't thrash, I didn't scream.

Because for once, I'm going to stare him down.

A crowd begun to gather as I met Thaddeus on the gravel, and he then spoke in a booming voice to the pedestrians.

"This, citizens of District Seven, is Johanna Mason," he began, "a defiant, rule breaking, rebellious bitch." A chorus of screams echoed through the clearing, and they all gave me angered glares. "We cannot have rebels in this fine District. Rebels destroyed the proper way of life, is that correct? We cannot allow her to shape what could become a devastating future for Panem!"

They ripped the shirt from my skin, exposing my torso to the square.

"What better than a whipping to show our fury to this rebel?" more shouts of excitement rang as the long, cruel metal was fitted into Thaddeus' hand.

_Slash._ The pain erupted through my veins, burning profusely. I bite my lip to keep from screaming.

_Slash._ I feel blood seep down my skin, and Thaddeus roars with laughter.

_Slash._ My heart beats faster and faster, and the cuts receive a pulse of their own.

_Slash. _I can't stop the scream, long, tortured and abnormally high.

_Slash._ My vision blurs for a while, and my lips tremble. The world is alien, fuzzy.

_Slash._ Cuts begin to run along my neck, puncturing my breathing.

_Slash. _Blackness floods through my eyes, and I drop to the ground, unconscious.

My breathing is sharp as the apothecary owner works on my cuts and bruises. I slip from blackness to vibrancy, moans escaping my lips. But they don't sound like mine. They sound animal.

_Oh, it hurts...everything hurts..._


End file.
